Biblical Q&A: Should believers date unbelievers?

2 Corinthians 6:14: “Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?”

Samson and Delilah by Rembrandt Van Rijn, 1628

Challenging contemporary norms

Can Christian believers marry non-believers? Should they even date non-believers? According to 2 Corinthians 6:14, no!

Perhaps the verse really means, “You can marry them if they call themselves Christian,” or “You can date them if they’re really nice.”

Perhaps the declaration only had a specific historical context rather than an enduring truth, and we are no longer culturally bound.

Perhaps you can just convert them later on.

Yet, other verses show the gravity of obeying this command, which is rooted in God’s unchanging design for marriage and the family.

God’s institutions for restraining sin

A fundamental principle of biblical theology is God’s efforts to restrain sin through conscience, the family, the church, government, and even the influence of the Holy Spirit.

Mankind is sinful and even born into sin. Romans 5:12 confirms this, “Therefore, just as sin came into the world through one man, and death through sin, and so death spread to all men because all sinned.”

Distressingly, it only gets worse, as 2 Timothy 3:12-13 warns, “…all who desire to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted, while evil people and impostors will go on from bad to worse, deceiving and being deceived.”

Resolved in their sinful desires, the Holy Spirit even relents. My Judging post explains Romans 1:24-28 whereby God “gives them up” or “hands them over” to their sinful passions because of man's insistence.

Man’s dedication to sin is shockingly portrayed in Revelation 16:9,11, which states, “They were scorched by the fierce heat, and they cursed the name of God who had power over these plagues. They did not repent and give Him glory… and cursed the God of heaven for their pain and sores. They did not repent of their deeds.”

Biblical support for the purity of believers

With all the restraints God has put in place to manage sin, it makes sense that He would not want His children to get entangled in a relationship with unbelievers.

1 Corinthians 7:15 declares, “But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases, the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace.”

This passage is known as the “abandonment clause” for divorce and is one of only two biblical exceptions for divorce (the other in Matthew 19:9 pertains to unrepentant adultery.)

1 Corinthians 7:14 relates to children in a mixed marriage and promises, “If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him. The unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.”

This passage addresses the situation where one spouse becomes a believer after marriage and discusses both the preservation of the marriage (if the unbelieving spouse is willing to remain, i.e., not abandon) and the spiritual implications for their children, whereby there is a sanctifying influence on both the unbelieving spouse and the children through the believing parent’s faith.

1 Corinthians 7:39 instructs on remarriage whereby, “A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord.”

This passage re-emphasizes that one may remarry but “only in the Lord” or only to another believer.

Even back in Deuteronomy 7:3-4, God has instructed His people to avoid marrying non-believers, “You shall not intermarry with them, giving your daughters to their sons or taking their daughters for your sons, for they would turn away your sons from following me, to serve other gods.” Thus, the tragedy of Samson and Delilah.

Other applications

It should be emphasized this constraint applies to more than dating and marriage. It also includes:

Business Partnerships—Believers must avoid partnerships with non-believers where values and ethics can be compromised.

Ministry Relationships—Believers must be wary of ministry efforts with those who don’t hold to the same biblical truths.

Close Friendships—Believers cannot allow close friendships to corrupt their morals. At the same time, they need to be open to sharing the gospel of salvation.

Romans 12:2 admonishes that we “not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind…” This is difficult enough without the complexities that a non-believing partner or spouse adds.

Dating for believers

Since dating is a path toward marriage, God’s wisdom about being unequally yoked applies to both.

As you seek a life partner, consider both a profession of faith and evidence of spiritual life.

True faith in Christ manifests as “salvation by grace alone, through faith alone, in Christ alone, according to Scripture alone, and for the glory of God alone.” This living faith produces genuine transformation and spiritual fruit.

In Matthew 7:21, Jesus warns that not all who claim to be Christians are really Christians: “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven…” Many identify as Christians, but genuine faith manifests through a transformed life. Pray that you may discern the truth.

While sharing your faith is important, remember that salvation is a sovereign work of God. You cannot love someone into salvation. Trust God’s timing and guidance as you seek a believing spouse who shares your commitment to Christ.

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Thad Brown