110 Rules of Civility & Decent Behavior in Company and Conversation
The 110 Rules of Civility & Decent Behavior
Historical Context of the 110 Rules of Civility
The “Rules of Civility & Decent Behavior in Company and Conversation” has a complex lineage predating America's founding. The rules originated from French Jesuit colleges in the late 16th century.
The original French text, “Bienséance de la Conversation entre les Hommes,” was compiled around 1595 to guide young gentlemen. These rules were subsequently translated into Latin and later into English by Francis Hawkins around 1640 in a book titled “Youth’s Behavior, or Decency in Conversation Amongst Men.”
The rules codified Renaissance and Enlightenment ideals of gentlemanly conduct, emphasizing self-restraint, consideration for others, and proper social etiquette. They were widely used as educational tools throughout Europe and colonial America.
Transmission to Colonial America
By the time the rules reached American shores, they had become standard educational material in schools and for private tutoring. In colonial America, copying texts was a common educational practice that served multiple purposes:
Improving penmanship
Practicing proper English
Internalizing moral and social guidance
Developing memory skills
The rules were considered essential knowledge for young men of good families who would be expected to navigate complex social hierarchies.
George Washington and the Rules of Civility
George Washington was born in 1732 to a moderately prosperous Virginia planter family. Unlike many of his contemporaries among the colonial elite, Washington did not receive a formal college education or study abroad. His formal education ended around age 15, making his self-directed learning all the more significant.
Washington’s education was practical rather than classical, focusing on subjects useful to a gentleman farmer and businessman: mathematics, reading, writing, and surveying. Copying the Rules of Civility was part of this practical education.
Around 1744-1748, when Washington was approximately 14-16 years old, he carefully transcribed all 110 rules as a penmanship and educational exercise under the guidance of his teachers. The Library of Congress holds the surviving manuscript in Washington’s distinctively careful adolescent handwriting.
Influence on Washington’s Character
These rules appear to have had a profound impact on Washington’s development:
Self-discipline: Many contemporaries remarked on Washington’s exceptional self-control, a quality emphasized throughout the Rules.
Dignified bearing: Washington was known for his commanding presence and dignified demeanor, qualities directly advocated in many of the Rules.
Social awareness: Washington’s careful attention to proper conduct in various social situations reflected the situational awareness taught by the Rules.
Character over appearance: Though the Rules guide external behaviors, they emphasize that these should reflect genuine inner virtue—a principle Washington embodied throughout his life.
The 110 Rules of Civility
Though many of the 110 Rules of Civility may appear straightforward or even obvious, their roots run deep. These are not just manners—they echo biblical principles of humility, respect, and self-restraint that shape true character.
1. Every action done in company ought to be with some sign of respect to those that are present.
2. When in company, do not express joy before one who is sick or in pain, as this may add to their distress.
3. Show nothing to your friend that may frighten or trouble them.
4. In the presence of others, sing not to yourself with a humming noise, nor drum with your fingers or feet.
5. If you cough, sneeze, sigh, or yawn, do it not loudly, but quietly; and take care to cover your face.
6. Sleep not when others speak, sit not when others stand, speak not when you should hold your peace, and walk not on when others stop.
7. Put not off your clothes in the presence of others, nor go out of your chamber half-dressed.
8. At play and amid recreation, let your words and actions be moderate, and do not cheat.
9. Show great respect to those older than yourself, and do not be too forward in answering your elders.
10. When a person does their best, and fails, do not ridicule them.
11. Shift not yourself in the sight of others, nor gnaw your nails.
12. Do not shake your head, roll your eyes, lift one eyebrow, or grimace while speaking.
13. Do not laugh too loudly or too much at any public spectacle.
14. Do not encourage base or mean things in discourse, nor repeat anything that may offend.
15. Speak not of others’ faults in public, but instead speak of their virtues.
16. Do not joke about another’s misfortune, even in jest.
17. Keep your promises, and do not speak deceitfully.
18. When in company, do not read letters, books, or papers, but when there is necessity for the doing thereof, you must ask leave.
19. If you must offer advice, do so humbly and not with arrogance.
20. Do not be overly familiar with others, especially those of higher rank or standing.
21. Keep your thoughts and opinions to yourself unless they are required or appropriate.
22. When two people are talking, do not interfere or listen in without being invited.
23. Do not speak ill of others behind their backs.
24. When you see a crime or misdeed, do not be an idle spectator—call attention to it appropriately.
25. Be mindful of your words and gestures; do not show disrespect to anyone.
26. When giving a speech or telling a story, do so with confidence but without arrogance.
27. Do not be stubborn in holding onto your opinion; be willing to listen and consider the views of others.
28. When in a group, do not whisper to one person or exclude others from your conversation.
29. Let your conversation be without malice or envy.
30. When another speaks, be attentive and do not interrupt.
31. When a person of greater rank passes by, show them due deference by standing or bowing.
32. In writing or speech, do not be too quick to correct others unless necessary.
33. Do not argue for the sake of victory, but rather seek truth.
34. In discourse, do not elevate yourself by putting others down.
35. Use proper and respectful language, and avoid crude or vulgar expressions.
36. Avoid bragging about yourself, your achievements, or possessions.
37. When visiting others, do not overstay your welcome.
38. When sitting, do not lean back excessively or lounge in a careless manner.
39. When eating, do not make noise or chew with your mouth open.
40. Do not take food greedily, nor reach across the table.
41. Do not clean your teeth with your fingers or knife at the table.
42. When another person is speaking, do not distract yourself with other matters.
43. Show gratitude when given something, even if it is small.
44. In conversation, do not monopolize the discussion; allow others to speak.
45. When asked a question, give a direct and polite answer.
46. When disagreeing with someone, do so respectfully and calmly.
47. Keep your hands and feet to yourself; do not fidget or tap.
48. When walking with others, keep in step with them.
49. If you bump into someone, apologize immediately.
50. Avoid speaking too loudly or drawing undue attention to yourself.
51. When entering a room, greet others warmly and with respect.
52. When in doubt, err on the side of politeness and formality.
53. Be careful not to give offense in jest or humor.
54. Do not stare at others or make them uncomfortable with your gaze.
55. When speaking to someone, look them in the eyes but do not glare.
56. If you borrow something, return it in good condition.
57. Do not make fun of anyone’s appearance or misfortune.
58. Offer your seat to the elderly or those in need.
59. Do not rush others or pressure them into making a decision.
60. Do not turn your back on someone who is speaking to you.
61. In disputes, seek to be fair and just, not merely to win.
62. Do not pry into the affairs of others.
63. Keep your thoughts on serious matters when necessary.
64. Do not insult others, even in jest.
65. Avoid arguments about trivial matters.
66. When visiting someone, be considerate of their time and space.
67. If you see someone in distress, offer assistance if possible.
68. Do not give unsolicited advice unless it is necessary.
69. When in a leadership position, treat others with respect and fairness.
70. When correcting someone, do so gently and constructively.
71. Do not mock others for their beliefs or customs.
72. Be mindful of your appearance and cleanliness.
73. Do not make others uncomfortable with inappropriate jokes or gestures.
74. When writing, use proper grammar and punctuation.
75. In a discussion, do not interrupt or change the subject abruptly.
76. When invited to a meal, be gracious and thank your host.
77. Do not dominate a conversation or make it all about yourself.
78. Be honest in your dealings with others.
79. When walking through a doorway, allow those exiting to go first.
80. When meeting someone, offer a firm handshake and a warm greeting.
81. Avoid idle gossip and speaking ill of others.
82. Do not judge others harshly.
83. If you make a mistake, acknowledge it and apologize.
84. Be humble in victory and gracious in defeat.
85. When someone else is honored, celebrate with them rather than envying them.
86. Do not be quick to take offense.
87. Speak well of others whenever possible.
88. Avoid being boastful or arrogant.
89. When given a gift, accept it graciously and thankfully.
90. Do not rush through meals; eat at a moderate pace.
91. Keep your emotions in check in public.
92. Treat everyone with respect, regardless of their status.
93. Be polite in all situations.
94. Show kindness even to those you do not like.
95. Be a good listener.
96. Respect the personal space of others.
97. Do not make excuses for bad behavior.
98. Offer your help without expecting anything in return.
99. Do not complain too much.
100. Do not be overly critical of others.
101. Do not be wasteful.
102. Show humility at all times.
103. Avoid excessive pride.
104. Do not be lazy or idle.
105. Do not be wasteful of time.
106. Be diligent in your work.
107. Do not seek to manipulate others.
108. Be charitable and help those in need.
109. Strive for self-improvement.
110. Live by these principles daily.
Conclusion
In an age where civility is often overlooked, these rules serve as more than a historical curiosity—they offer a roadmap for living with integrity and grace. By embracing these timeless principles, we honor their biblical roots and elevate our daily interactions, reflecting the kind of character that influences others without saying a word.
May we not only read them but live them.
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I read all of them!
Thank you!
Thad
I doubt whether I would have ever found these 110 Rules, unless you had posted them! Thanks!
Wow that is awesome. Yes we need a version of this is school curriculum along with real tangible subjects that could possibly help a society learn how to interact together. We need conflict management, negotiation, problem solving, decision making skills, and the ability to analyze these creative non-fiction vingettes of insanity they are creating (they being the octopus who has control of Media, gov, education, politics, social media, etc).